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03 September 2008 @ 10:27 pm
Reborn, Tsuna has a bad day.  
Title: It's In to be in pieces, didn't you know?
Series: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Character: Ryohei, Hibari, Tsuna
Disclaimers: Standard Disclaimers Apply.
Notes: For the boss, who had a bad day. ; 3;



He doesn’t really know why this is happening. Though, if he's honest with himself (and he is), he never quite knows why certain things happen to him anyway. All the time.

Still. Getting tugged quite (very) roughly between an excitable Sasagawa Ryohei and one murderous Hibari Kyoya is…

Suffice to say, it’s not something that happens everyday. At least not between these two men. (Otherwise, he has a lot of practice with his Storm and Mist guardians, not that that’s any more pleasant, either.)

“O-oniisan,” he tries again, for the tenth time, rather feebly, “Please let go of me--” he says with a squeak, because he knows that the other option is not acceptable, nor is it possible.

“No way! He’s been hogging you all week!” Ryohei protests loudly, tugging at his elbow again. Tsuna doesn’t quite budge from where Hibari is holding him in place, and he’s a little impressed, mostly terrified, and two parts in pain that the prefect can actually resist one of Ryohei’s extreme tugs.

“I have been doing nothing of the sort,” Hibari informs him coldly. “Let go, herbivore, before I bite you to death. You have five seconds.”

“Hi-hi-hibari-san!” Tsuna wails, alarmed. “I’ll--”

Hibari glares down at him in what he takes to be a ‘no.’

Well.

“O-oniisan!” Tsuna attempts, shaking his arm. “I really need to go to detention! Can I just go to your boxing club tomorrow?”

“BUT TOMORROW, YOU’LL STILL BE IN DETENTION! YOU’VE BEEN THERE EVERYDAY THE WHOLE MONTH!” Ryohei says in an appropriation of his ‘excited but also a little pissed and whining’ voice. “EVEN ON SUNDAYS!”

Tsuna can’t really deny the truth in that. Still. He likes being alive, no matter how hard his life is right now. Hard as a rock, even.

“I—I’ll come some other day, I swear!”

“NO!” the boxer announces with the finality of a knockout. Or Tsuna’s death, either way. They both sound something horrible and Tsuna really, really, just wants to go home, crawl into his bed, and maybe never see Reborn and his evil shenanigans again. Seriously, sending him to school late every day is NOT a good way to train him in running! It only makes him feel terrified for his life what with the threat of Hibari on his back every single day. Reborn obviously doesn’t understand the feeling of eyes gazing donut holes the size of Tokyo at the back of his neck in his sleep.

Life is really hard.

“But I need to, need to--” and Tsuna peers up at Hibari’s face a little fearfully, assessing the number of seconds he has to stay in one piece. “I need to fulfil my duties as a student of Namimori and attend detention as consequence of my actions!” he blurts out.

Miraculously, Hibari’s grip stops being Crushing His Bones Hard to just Reducing What Little Muscle He Has To Cream Hard. Tsuna takes the opportunity to hold very still.

Ryohei, on the other hand, has other ideas.

“FINE. HIBARI I THINK WE SHOULD SHARE.”

Share?” Tsuna squeaks.

“… Share?” Hibari echoes, possibly caught off-guard not by the suggestion of sharing Tsuna, but by the idea of sharing itself.

“YEAH! I CAN HAVE HIS RIGHT ARM, HIS LEFT CHEEK, HIS RIGHT LEG, HIS RIGHT HIP, AND MOST OF THE LEFT SIDE LEFT.”

Tsuna wants to say that there are a million different things wrong with that, but 1) he can’t count to a million, and 2) he is too shocked to reply. Also, Hibari’s hold on him has tightened again and his arm is going to be reduced to pulp.

And Tsuna feels bad for even thinking it, but maybe it would be better if Hibari really just bites Ryohei to death and spare him some pain.

Only Hibari is looking – contemplative?

Oh, please, no,” he says in a small voice.

He waits for Hibari to kill either of them. Both of them. Something. And closes his eyes. “Your computation is wrong,” Hibari informs Ryohei instead, and Tsuna wonders if this is how heaven looks like.

“HOW IS IT WRONG?!”

“His right side is bigger.”

Haa?” he says.

“OH, WELL! SORRY HIBARI I KINDA SUCK AT MATH! HAHAHAHA! YOU DIVIDE HIM!” Ryohei helpfully adds in.

Hibari looks at Tsuna, then, who hysterically scrambles for cover in his head. “You will spend twice the amount of time in detention if only half of you are coming.”

“HIEEEEE!” the young boss shrieks, and unleashes his Dying Will.

Hibari beats him (and Ryohei) up soon after and sends him to Detention overnight, but at least it is in one piece.

------
10:26 PM 9/3/2008


Unedited. ♥ Also, possibly OOC.
 
 
 
do not feed the animals: fandom crack - reborn!izkariote on September 3rd, 2008 02:41 pm (UTC)
...I CANNOT HIGHLIGHT ALL OF THE POINTS WHERE I LOLLED HARD. I THINK I DID IT WITH EVERYTHING.

C-crap. How am I going to even think of writing anything now that this is out. ILU, OTHER HALF.
.Yukeh. ( ̄‿ ̄)ノ: <3yukitsu on September 3rd, 2008 02:51 pm (UTC)
I'M GLAD YOU LOLLED HARD. I CONSIDER MY JOB DONE.

ILU TOO, OTHER HALF, BUT KEEP ON WRITING!
(no subject) - izkariote on September 3rd, 2008 03:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - yukitsu on September 3rd, 2008 03:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
groove: Victolygroove on September 3rd, 2008 02:43 pm (UTC)
GOOD JOB UKE!!

*buries your face in my bosom*
.Yukeh. ( ̄‿ ̄)ノ: Uhiyukitsu on September 3rd, 2008 02:55 pm (UTC)
THANK YOU SEME.

*is happily buried*
baby, you're my forever girl: » domestic violence。ficcentricity on September 3rd, 2008 02:52 pm (UTC)
TSUNA'S LIIIIIIIFE is filled with an infinite number of no good very bad days like these.♥ Gambare, boss!
.Yukeh. ( ̄‿ ̄)ノ: ;_;yukitsu on September 3rd, 2008 02:56 pm (UTC)
TSUNA'S LIIIIIIIIIIIFE. I think if I were in his place, I'd jump off a building rooftop to my death. But then Reborn would save me and beat me up for trying to escape and FAILING at escaping.

We must do a bad Mizutani day, Kat! ♥
(no subject) - ficcentricity on September 3rd, 2008 03:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - yukitsu on September 3rd, 2008 03:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Contradanza: sanakirimorphaileffect on September 3rd, 2008 02:56 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHAH ♥♥♥ you are quick and mighty with the crack (worships)

(subtitles this fic: JOY DIVISION)
.Yukeh. ( ̄‿ ̄)ノ: Lulzyukitsu on September 3rd, 2008 02:59 pm (UTC)
;w; Some nights are special that way!

(askldjasdaslh HAHAHAHAHA.)
Lynlynkye_kestrel on September 3rd, 2008 03:17 pm (UTC)
O-oh gawd. The title. The speed with which you banged this out. Your precious, precious crack. The smaller fonts, ahahahahaha.

I DON'T THINK THIS IS OOC. THE PREMISE IS PERFECT AND BELIEVABLE, AND YOUR CHARACTERIZATION IS MADE OF WIN. ♥♥♥♥♥

I'll gladly give you first crack at my boobs and my hips and my ass on Saturday for this.
.Yukeh. ( ̄‿ ̄)ノ: victoly!yukitsu on September 3rd, 2008 03:26 pm (UTC)
; 33333; I'M GLAD LYNFFLES LIKES IT. HIEEE! Crack is the only thing that comes naturally to me. ; 3;

VICTOLY! CAN HAS BOSS! ♥

galeayagaleaya on September 4th, 2008 09:52 am (UTC)
“OH, WELL! SORRY HIBARI I KINDA SUCK AT MATH! HAHAHAHA! YOU DIVIDE HIM!”

Oh, ryoppu~ ryoppuppuppu~ XD

Epic WIN TO THE EXTREME!
.Yukeh. ( ̄‿ ̄)ノ: Uhiyukitsu on September 4th, 2008 10:02 am (UTC)
8D Thank you!

Ryohei is really fun to write/RP! ; 3;
Ami 「亜美」chibisapphire on September 4th, 2008 09:56 am (UTC)
rofl!!~~
I just can't stop lol'ing!
its a great fic of ryoheisms? o.O ~~

*lol'd again*
.Yukeh. ( ̄‿ ̄)ノ: victoly!yukitsu on September 4th, 2008 10:02 am (UTC)
Victoly!

Because Ryohei is Speshful!

8Db
(Deleted comment)
.Yukeh. ( ̄‿ ̄)ノ: Un!yukitsu on September 4th, 2008 12:34 pm (UTC)
HIBARI IS EXTREME! In... rather terrifying ways. BUT THEY ARE BOTH CRAZY! orz

Thank you!
(Deleted comment)
.Yukeh. ( ̄‿ ̄)ノ: <3yukitsu on September 4th, 2008 02:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

O, lulz, the thought of turning any permutation between these three in this fic didn't even occur to me. orz. Gen is nice!
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - yukitsu on September 4th, 2008 02:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - yukitsu on September 4th, 2008 02:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - yukitsu on September 4th, 2008 02:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - yukitsu on September 4th, 2008 02:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Fire childteruame on September 4th, 2008 03:46 pm (UTC)
ROFL!!! XDDDDDD

"His right side is bigger."

Oh, my goodness...that part keeps killing me! :DDDDD
.Yukeh. ( ̄‿ ̄)ノ: Uhiyukitsu on September 4th, 2008 03:48 pm (UTC)
XDDDDD THANKS!

Bigger in many ways! ; 3; (But usually, one side of people are really bigger than the other ! .... I think.)
Izelmecatl: halpizelmecatl on September 5th, 2008 12:29 am (UTC)
LOL Love the crack! I can totally see this happening too. Great work, it had so many levels of win. I look forward to reading more from you.

and lol Hibari!logic lol (taking advantage mathematically impaired Ryohei)
.Yukeh. ( ̄‿ ̄)ノ: <3yukitsu on September 5th, 2008 12:42 am (UTC)
Eee, Ghost Hound icon!
Thaaaanks! *w* I might churn out more fics if ideas come to me. orz

;;;; It's so easy to take advantage of Ryohei!
whistle: 1827waterbaby12us on September 5th, 2008 08:49 am (UTC)
....*still laughing on the floor*
.Yukeh. ( ̄‿ ̄)ノ: victoly!yukitsu on September 5th, 2008 08:54 am (UTC)
:'D Ehehehe!
tyreling: Chesshire Neko Desutyreling on September 6th, 2008 03:06 am (UTC)
... XD *dies* This was amazing. Ahahaha, dividing the tenth. oh god, you slay me. The tiny font amused me a lot by the way.
.Yukeh. ( ̄‿ ̄)ノ: <3yukitsu on September 7th, 2008 05:45 am (UTC)
Thank you! Crack use of html is fun!
bemused_dreamer: Mukuro love-lovebemused_dreamer on September 20th, 2008 07:24 pm (UTC)
Uh, I'm kinda late with this probably but.

I think I hurt myself trying not to scare my roommate and make her think I'm crazy.

Just. a;slkdjfs; I love your characterizations ♥
.Yukeh. ( ̄‿ ̄)ノ: :3yukitsu on September 20th, 2008 07:26 pm (UTC)
Not at all! ; 3; It's great to get comments! ♥

T-thaaaaaaank you~ Glad you enjoyed it. 8Db
Sawada Tsunayoshi: Tsuna kitty~xx100dontkillme on October 22nd, 2008 01:22 pm (UTC)
I READ THIS B4 I MET YOU. THIS IS *~FATE~* <3
.Yukeh. ( ̄‿ ̄)ノ: <3yukitsu on October 22nd, 2008 01:37 pm (UTC)
I READ YOUR FICS BEFORE I MET YOU TOO! DOUBLE FATE! ♥
(no subject) - xx100dontkillme on October 22nd, 2008 01:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - yukitsu on October 22nd, 2008 01:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)